Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Deep Deep Woman


"I am a woman, a deep deep woman, my memory goes so far." - Jana Runnalls

An epiphany today!

My work as a Healer and psychic feels authentic, gives me life, and fulfills my purpose. So why do I struggle with putting it out into the world?

I haven't claimed my voice.

It's not that I don't speak my truth. It's more that I have been trying to be available to as many people as possible and to that end I have used many voices. All the voices are a true piece of me - nothing false in the voices. Yet I have not used the voice that is uniquely, richly and deeply mine. Without that voice I have little power to magnetize those who will be drawn to my work.

Here's the thing: I know that voice and oh, do I love it. The woman who speaks with this voice is oh so juicy and wise. She knows her worth and power and joy. And, you know what? I am delighted to let her speak.

So why hasn't she?

I, like many others, have a genetic memory of healers and psychics being persecuted. It's a useful memory. But today, I realized that the fear of persecution and all the "hiding" or making oneself small so as not to be seen is painful and restrictive. It does not help or serve me. I am no longer willing to live in this place. I prefer to risk the persecution if it means I can live a more expansive and passionate life.

Today, I decide to birth my unique, rich and deeply authentic me. I hold her in openness and compassion. So happy birthday to me!

In my early twenties I wrote a song about finding my life partner. It goes something like this:

"Faces upon faces, which one is the one? Where will my love lie?
Where is tomorrow and the joy that it brings? Where will my love lie?

I need someone to stand by my side, someone to love and protect me.
I need respect for my mind and a space I can grow in.

I need a love that's forever, binding and unrestricting."


"Voices upon voices" could be inserted so this song reflects a truer quest: the quest for the love, who lies within me. Accessing this unique, rich and deeply authentic self allows me a safety, comfort and passion I can only imagine without her. I get shivers of delight when I consider the kind of partner she will draw to herself.

Today, I choose to birth this self and to walk through the doorway of commitment to embrace my fullness. On this glorious winter day Grandmother Moon shines her blessing on the emerging me. I thank her and you, the reader, for being my witnesses. May you also witness your own rich, unique and deeply authentic self.

Blessings, Coleen