A Healer's Reflections

When you were a child did you, like me, believe that when you were a grown-up things sort of stopped? I mean as a child you change so quickly and people comment on it pretty regularly. But the adults kind of look the same most of the time - except for maybe a new hairdo, or glasses. From a child's perspective not much changes.

Whereas for the child, each year brings about new teachers, new schedules, new identities. Each summer you stop being one thing - say a 3rd grader - and by fall you were something else: a 4th grader. Your voice dropped; your breasts grew; you started shaving; the hormone shifts alone were often quite the roller coaster ride. By comparison the distance between such significant events in a adult's life seemed quite vast.

When I finished graduate school, I felt quite anxious. In my mid-twenties I still had that idea of the stagnation of adulthood. In fairness, I had spent most of my life shifting the rhythm of my life about every 3 months. Now, endless time filled with sameness loomed before me!

As I found out time does not stand still and the rhythm of life still holds a fair amount of twists and turns. Time often seems to be whizzing by me but gifts me with moments of awareness every now and again. I'll never forget the first time someone called me "mam" or the day I looked in the mirror and saw my mother's face staring back at me. But all in all I find comfort in the things that don't change and inspiration in cyclical nature of life.

We've entered the time of year best suited for going within. The days are shorter and colder. My body longs for quiet time with a good book, or a long afternoon with a close friend, who will listen to and witness my life's ups and downs. I love the anticipation of each new season. By the time I am feeling house bound and restless, magpies will start returning and crocuses will pop their little heads from beneath the snow. Whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow, I will be filled with anticipation of Earth awakening and the little surprises awaiting each walk in the park.

I am now past the child-bearing years and the internal cycles of my physical body no longer keep a monthly rhythm. So it is the signs of passing and approaching seasons that help me remember the vibrant dynamic nature of life. This connects me in a different way to the world. This change in connection marks a passing and approaching season in my own life.

I smile to think back on the child that thought time stopped. Oh, if she only knew, I think to myself. So many crossroads to discern, opportunities to choose, experiences to embrace, people to meet, books to read, puzzles to piece together - I am certain time will never stop. I will simply continue to move into different seasons of my being.