A Healer's Reflections

When you were a child did you, like me, believe that when you were a grown-up things sort of stopped? I mean as a child you change so quickly and people comment on it pretty regularly. But the adults kind of look the same most of the time - except for maybe a new hairdo, or glasses. From a child's perspective not much changes.

Whereas for the child, each year brings about new teachers, new schedules, new identities. Each summer you stop being one thing - say a 3rd grader - and by fall you were something else: a 4th grader. Your voice dropped; your breasts grew; you started shaving; the hormone shifts alone were often quite the roller coaster ride. By comparison the distance between such significant events in a adult's life seemed quite vast.

When I finished graduate school, I felt quite anxious. In my mid-twenties I still had that idea of the stagnation of adulthood. In fairness, I had spent most of my life shifting the rhythm of my life about every 3 months. Now, endless time filled with sameness loomed before me!

As I found out time does not stand still and the rhythm of life still holds a fair amount of twists and turns. Time often seems to be whizzing by me but gifts me with moments of awareness every now and again. I'll never forget the first time someone called me "mam" or the day I looked in the mirror and saw my mother's face staring back at me. But all in all I find comfort in the things that don't change and inspiration in cyclical nature of life.

We've entered the time of year best suited for going within. The days are shorter and colder. My body longs for quiet time with a good book, or a long afternoon with a close friend, who will listen to and witness my life's ups and downs. I love the anticipation of each new season. By the time I am feeling house bound and restless, magpies will start returning and crocuses will pop their little heads from beneath the snow. Whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow, I will be filled with anticipation of Earth awakening and the little surprises awaiting each walk in the park.

I am now past the child-bearing years and the internal cycles of my physical body no longer keep a monthly rhythm. So it is the signs of passing and approaching seasons that help me remember the vibrant dynamic nature of life. This connects me in a different way to the world. This change in connection marks a passing and approaching season in my own life.

I smile to think back on the child that thought time stopped. Oh, if she only knew, I think to myself. So many crossroads to discern, opportunities to choose, experiences to embrace, people to meet, books to read, puzzles to piece together - I am certain time will never stop. I will simply continue to move into different seasons of my being.

Does It Leave a Hole?

In my early working life before I found my calling as a Healer, I worked at a job, which for me had become quite burdensome. When I thought about quitting, I saw all the people who depended on me and all the projects waiting to be done. I spoke with my father about it all. I told him I wanted to leave but felt like I was needed too much to do so.

He asked me to close my eyes, then to picture a bucket of water with a ladle in it. Curious about his seemingly random request, I did as he asked.

"The bucket is your job; the water all the work needing to be done; you are the ladle", he explained.

"Now, lift the ladle out of the bucket. Did it leave a hole?"

I smiled very big and the weight on my shoulders slipped off. What a wonderful way of telling me to get over myself AND to stop letting the job control my life.

This is the best gift my father has ever given me - well, after giving me life. I so clearly remember how stressed my body felt before and then how relaxed after this guided imagery. Whenever my body feels that same stress, I pull out that bucket and ask that same question: Does it leave a hole?

And once again, the answer is no!

I have recently commited to a series of 3 short sabbaticals. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday for 3 weeks I don't go into the clinic or to any meetings. For three days I do whatever I feel called to do. The sabbaticals give me the time and space I need to discern what serves and what no longer serves.

My fears around taking this time included: losing clients; sleeping it all away; being asked to do something I didn't feel prepared to do; finding I was totally off path; being asked to leave Ellensburg and, having absolutely nothing of consequence happen.

My expectations were somewhat more modest; I simply decided to expect to be open to the experience and its consequences. And, I thought the Land would call me out onto it in a really big way.

The first week I did sleep and I slept really really well. I also was pulled out of my time for myself several times and in ways that really and truly served me. When someone said they could only see me on monday, I found myself saying to a colleague that I simply could not always be available for clients. As I spoke these words to her, I heard them myself - and what a good sound that was. Thank you Spirit! I could only have listened to myself on that one and so the Universe created the experience that would allow me to say and hear it.

The second interruption of my sacred time was the rescheduling of a talk I had agreed to give at a Vegetarian Society meeting. The date was changed at the last minute. The topic was my work. And so, on the first of the sabbaticals I was led to examine and speak about my work. A new friend on FaceBook also asked me this question just before my time began.

I just completed the recording of my first CD, a compilation of healing songs. Promoting the CD will certainly take some time and will shift my work. How will it do that is the question. The guidance I received on my first sabbatical was that I got to decide. It is up to me.

Through dreams, interruptions, meditations and long talks with my higher self it became very clear to me that my gifts and talents can meet so many needs. At one point I became overwhelmed with the sense of all the needs for my work. I felt burdened by it all. Then Spirit whispered in my ear.

"You cannot meet all of these needs - you are only one person - let others play too!"

OK, I thought, but how do I chose?

"Delight in the choices! The abundance of opportunities means you get to choose the ones that you want to do. Choose the ones that give you the most joy, fun, comfort... Choose what you WANT to do. It is time for you to choose how this path unfolds. Trust the Universe and know that whatever you choose, it will not leave a hole."

And so, I practice this by staying in the moment and choosing what I want to do in that moment. I find I have spent a good deal of time in the last few years not doing what I want to do and letting others pilot my life way too much. I also find choosing is like getting back on a bike. I have not forgotten how. (And there are no holes. And I have more clients than I had last week.)

Blessed Be!